I am FAILURE

Today on the MRT on my way, I saw my ex-boyfriend Stephen. I was shocked when I saw him. Thought my eyes were playing tricks on me but when I take a second look, it was really him. He had aged so much till most of his hair were grey. Although he had some grey hair when I was with him 2 years ago, his hair were never that grey. I cannot believe it when I saw that almost half of his hair were grey. He looked even older than my dad. Where is the young & fit guy I knew 2 years ago. People always say that he look younger than his age. But now he looked much older than 41 years old. I dare not talk or look at him. I feel so upset cause it seems like this only happened to him after we broke up. I believe he must have put alot of blame on himself for the breakup. I hope he is happy now. I know life still has to go on but I cannot help feeling guilty about it. Had I not initiated the breakup, maybe we would be happily married now. I may not be better than him cause I am also still single. But I just cannot help getting upset when I see him in this state. I think I am such a failure when it comes to love. Maybe it is my retribution that I am still single. Maybe God feels that so long he cannot find a new love in his life, I do not deserve to find mine. I hope he didn't see me cause I think it will upset him too. I rather be the one to take all the sufferings now.